Absolutes: Who Has Them & Why You Don't
What is an absolute? When does having an absolute actually make you a bad person? And the 3 reasons you don’t have them. Absolutes: a boundary that you enforce. Hard pill to swallow: if you don’t have absolutes, one reason is weakness. Weakness is having an issue/fear that you know about but refuse to confront.
Full transcription below video.
Today we are talking about absolutes. What they are. When having them makes you kind of a dick. And why you probably don’t have them. What they are: they are simple a boundary that you enforce. It is the person who says, “No” and does not give you a follow up because they gave you an answer and honestly, the reason why is none of your business. They are so focused on their vision, their goal, themselves that whatever you’re bringing to them would distract them from all three of those things. So the answer is simply, no.
When having an absolute makes you kind of a dick is when your absolutes are inconsistent. When you say, “I absolutely will not take new appointments on the same day,” but you demand others do that for you. Having an absolute and being a dick about it is when you do not respect other people’s boundaries. When someone bends, you take advantage of that. When you do not respect that other people are trying to make boundaries. That is when being a dick, comes into absolutes.
Now a lot of us, going to number three, don’t have absolutes because we’ve rationalized that we don’t want to be that person. We don’t want to be a bad guy. We want to be able to help people or be there for that person or whatever it is. Thats why we don’t have boundaries. Thats one reason, rather. The other reason is because we don’t have a vision or goal for our lives. We don’t know what we would look like if we had absolutes in place. We keep dealing with the same type of girlfriend because we don’t know who the we will be or what we want our selves to look like if we are only surrounded by positive and empowering people. So when you have no vision or goal for your life, there’s no reason to not bend. There’s no real boundary. Anything can come in and anything can go out because it has no effect on the vision of your life. The third reason is because we have a fear or an issue that we are not confronting and that is keeping us from having absolutes. We are afraid of how people will react, how people will treat us, where people will go, what type of business we will lose or gain if we have these absolutes in our lives. Having absolutes is fearful because it does potentially opens us up to lose or negative feedback. But, if you have a boundary that you want to be an absolute and you’re not enforcing it and you know that you consistently are not doing it, you are just being weak. I never use this word lightly, and I mean it, so let me repeat this. If you have an issue or fear that you know of that you do not confront or fix, you are being weak. I told you I was going to be start being a little more aggressive, and this is it. The fact is that when you have an issue and you’re not addressing it and you know about it, you are laying waste to your own life and potentially hurting other people. It is weakness not confronting and fixing an issue and its keeping you from having absolutes in your life to move you forward. You need to confront these issues and do it now. Look at what you habitually have boundaries you bend on and figure out why. What are you afraid of? It is okay to have issues but it is not okay to not fix them.