Self Sabotage: Push Past Rationalizations & Identify True Why's
Do you flee good things that present in your life and you’re not sure why? Here I identify a former self sabotage habit, breaking down why I sabotaged, and how I stopped it. Not a super deep dive but a start! Watch through for the homework. Comment with your sabotages or questions on identifying the reasons why.
Full transcript below video.
It’s me and Jo! She’s very excited. I told you I was going to start trying harder…I’m wearing this hooker pink on my lips and it makes me very uncomfortable but I’m leaning into it because it has to do with this week’s homework. This week is similar to last week but new. This week is about identifying self sabotaging habits or behaviors and the way you rationalize them in your life. So I am going to give you an example, what I identified, how I fixed it and I am going to give you your homework. My example, real life example, when I use to be less healthy emotionally, I always said that I wanted relationships. I wanted the real genuine, true love thing. But every time it was offered to me, I would sprint. I freaked the F out every single time. It didn’t make sense; I’m saying that I want this but when its presented, I’d get really scared. What the heck? I went through therapy, a lot of journaling, a lot of self talk, a lot of being very uncomfortable. With myself, alone with myself, discussing myself to myself and tracking a lot of my behaviors and feelings. I had to recognize that when the idea of a real relationship came into my life, I was scared because the narrative I played in my head was that no matter what you do, no matter how good you are, a man will always leave you. You will always be cheated on, you will always be left, you will always be thrown away. And if someone seems really, really good and they really, really want to work things with you and be there for you, that just means that when they hurt you, when they walk away, its going to hurt even more. You will be blindsided. And that scared me. That was the only reason I could not allow myself to be in a fulfilling relationship because I knew that it would crush me if a good guy left me down the line as opposed to just being with a bad guy who I knew would leave, I just didn’t know how quickly. But at least I couldn’t be surprised by it. That is self sabotage level 99, I promise you. And so once I identified that, then I could really work through where those things really come from. It comes from my parents divorcing after twenty something years. It comes from men cheating on me. It comes from bad previous relationships. It comes from creating an internal voice, narrative of “this is what happens, this is what happens, this is who you are, this is who you are, this is who you are.” So once I identified those three things, I started working through them and combining them day by day. This is not who you are every single time a thought would come in, “Nope”, every time a thought came in, “Nope.” Also, verbally putting it out there, trying to set limits and boundaries on myself. And identifying how I perpetuate those cycles because its not just people doing things to you; once it becomes a part of who you are, you start creating that around you. So I used sex in an unhealthy way to create a cycle because I wanted that narrative to be true because if its not, it can’t be MY narrative.
So, now I am healthy and able to have the type of relationship that I want. Whatever is going to happen in the future or not, life is great because I love myself and I’ve been alone and uncomfortable with myself enough that me, myself, and I - and Jo - are all I need. So the homework for you is to identify something that you self sabotage yourself. Whether it is in a job, or a fitness goal, or in relationships, with your family. Something that you say, “I want this,” but every single time its brought to you or you think its something you really want and you run away - I want you to identify that thing. Then I want you to identify 3 reasons why that thing exists. Why you’re self sabotaging yourself. Maybe you’re self sabotaging yourself with excuses like, “I really want to lose weight, but the kids are just crazy right now,” or “we’re in the busy season at work, I don’t have time to workout.” Those are excuses, those are self sabotages as well. So I want you to think about 3 self sabotages you do, then I want you to identify 3 ways you will begin to fix it. It will take a long time, but you need to start somewhere. For me, it was going to therapy. It was allowing myself to identify the internal voice that plays on repeat and starting to rewind it and check it every time. And the last, as I said, was being uncomfortable and being alone. Really facing that fear of this is who I am. Period. Work on that, tell me about it, comment below. Jo says goodbye.
Identify At Least 3 Self Sabotages You Do.
Identify 3 Reasons You May Self Sabotage.
Identify How You Rationalize the Self Sabotage.
Identify 3 Ways to Begin Fixing.
Identify 3 Things That Make You Uncomfortable But Step You Towards Not Sabotaging Your Long Term Life.